I know, I know, this sounds like the title of a relationship blog post. But bear with me. Climbing partnerships are relationships. They require trust and communication and holding space in vulnerable moments. You quite literally are placing your life in the hands of your partner every time you tie in for a lead. That’s pretty powerful stuff.
I think we can all recognize the effect that our partnerships have on our climbing from a day to day basis. Energies don’t usually occur in a vacuum. Your attitude is likely to affect your partner, and vice versa.
There are lots of ways to strengthen our climbing partnerships: effective communication, empathy, care, accountability. There are also ways that we can potentially undermine those efforts. So much of this is personal and will vary from partnership to partnership, but the following items are some of the most common behaviors we see that could be harmful.
Diminishing Success
I’m willing to bet we have all said or thought something that has this effect. You are diminishing success if you reattribute someone’s success to something that is outside of their control. While this is certainly not ill intentioned for some, it is an ego driven reflex for others. The thing is, intentions never negate impact, and the impact of this action is not good.
I have most frequently heard these success-diminishing comments at the gym and crag following hard sends by youth climbers and women, but they can certainly apply to anyone.
“Yeah, well your hands are small, so I bet those crimps are like jugs to you.”
“You’re light, so it’s easier for you.”
“Well, that climb is definitely soft for you since you’re so tall.”
Like I said, these comments aren’t always steeped in mal-intent, but they are problematic. Yes, our bodies do afford us certain advantages and disadvantages in climbing, but it’s not up to you to decide what those are for other people, especially right after they have success and haven’t asked for your opinion on the climb’s personal difficulty.
When you diminish the success of your climbing partner, you are telling them that (a) large parts of their experience (effort, mental strength, etc.) are invalid or unimportant and (b) that you are viewing them as competition rather than as a partner. Good climbing partnerships elevate both parties involved.
If you want stronger, safer climbing partnerships, try to focus on effort and process and catch yourself in those moments of diminishing success. This is something I’d LOVE to hear more of in the climbing community anyway. Sending hard routes is great and all, but I would wager that most of us are addicted to the process of challenging ourselves, whether we realize it or not. What would happen to our athletic atmosphere if we collectively praised positive processes over outcome? I’ll leave that question for you to reflect on.
“Wow, it was so rad to watch how hard you tried on that pitch.”
“I really loved watching how well you played with pace on that climb.”
“It was so cool how you charged through that runout with no hesitation.”
“I could see that you were nervous there, but you kept trying and that was really inspiring.”
These are the comments that give your partner warm and fuzzy feelings and let them be seen as a whole human, rather than just a physical being.
Indefinitely Assuming the Leadership Role
This one is especially important in climbing partnerships in which a social power dynamic exists (re: gender, race, sexuality, etc) or a significant difference in experience prevails. The most frequent iteration of this I’ve experienced and can speak to is the prevalent “girlfriend” climber trope in which the female climber is assumed or expected to follow around their male partner.
Now, you may be saying “but what if he’s teaching her how to climb and she doesn’t know as much?” That may very well be the case, but we can ALL learn things from one another. And why should her being new mean that she has no sense of agency to choose the climbs she gets on? Why would you assume she doesn’t ever want to lead or hang her own draws?
At it’s core and in all iterations, this is an issue of empowerment. People are more likely to express their opinions and assert their agency when they feel they are in safe environments where they will be heard and supported.
In situations with social power or experience differentials, a lack of empowerment makes it at least 10 times harder for the person with less power to speak up. This is a product of social conditioning, and none of us is exempt.
So, what do you do if you are in the position of greater power in a climbing partnership?
Ask your partner questions about their objectives for the day and support them in reaching those objectives.
Ask for their advice, and do it publicly. I don’t care if you are a 5.12 climber and your partner is projecting 5.10. They can still provide you with useful feedback.
Provide your partner with the opportunity to step a little out of their comfort zone (without pressuring them). And do it frequently. Don’t just open the door once and call it good.
Ask. Ask. Ask again.
Counterproductive and unfavorable behaviors include but are not limited to: always racking up under the assumption that you are going first; beta spraying without consent; not correcting other people’s assumptions about your partner.
Partnerships need to be partnerships. They cannot be one sided. So if you find yourself assuming the leadership role with no discussion every time you go out with your climbing partner, employ those above methods. It’ll be better for everyone.
Only Talking About Climbing
This last one may seem obvious. For some, talking about non-climbing things may come totally naturally, but for others it may not. It’s tempting and easy to always chat climbing and only climbing while you’re out climbing. So why might it be helpful to delve into other topics?
I truly believe that our personalities often come out in our climbing. This sport provides this beautiful lens for examining ourselves.
I first started climbing when I was 18, and from then until I was about 22, my climbing was extremely static and tense. I would grab the tiniest little hold, high step, and lock it down to avoid moving with any level of risk. Looking back, my movement was a manifestation of my emotional landscape at that point in my life. My life up until then had fostered a serious need for control and perfectionism that was as apparent in my climbing as it was in other areas of my life.
As I learned to let go of some control and embrace imperfection as inevitable space for growth, my climbing changed. There was a higher degree of freedom to my movement. I started to play with pace and power and turned it into more of a vertical dance. Self-expression through movement.
It probably sounds like I’m getting off track, but here’s where it ties back in. In my younger years of climbing, I never talked to anyone about anything I was feeling. As I started to open up, that is when my climbing blossomed into what it is now. I got better and stronger because I had partnerships that were more genuine.
We are all made up of the experiences we have. If your partnerships only look at climbing on the surface, how well are you going to be able to support and empower your partner? When we understand the path that has led our partner to where and who they are now, we are bound to learn what it is they need from us to grow and succeed.
And that’s a pretty magical thing.